How to recover from a grueling family visit, according to psychotherapists

The holiday season it is often full of events involving family members we rarely see, perhaps for good reason. While catching up with loved ones can be great, it’s okay to admit that seeing family can also be mentally draining. No one pushes your buttons quite like your relatives, and it’s no surprise that Google Trends reports a 367% increase in searches for “Christmas + Family Stress” in the last week alone.

Festive family time often leaves people exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed. As much as you may love your family, they can make you feel angry, stressed and angry. You may find yourself feeling childish, even in your 40s, or defending your life choices to relatives who don’t understand that not everyone chooses to have children. You can leave a family gathering completely drained and wondering how to recover.

There can be a lot of pressure to see your family during the holidays, but experts say this shouldn’t come at the expense of your mental health and well-being.

and spoke to mental health experts to get some tips on dealing with the aftermath of exhausting family visits.

Hang out with friends who know the adult “you”

According to therapist Vic Paterson, when we spend extended time with family, we often experience a kind of “identity jet lag.” Just as your body becomes confused about time zones, your sense of self is temporarily dislocated. If you find yourself regressing to your younger self when surrounded by family, spending time with friends who know your true adult self is like a reset button for your identity.

Paterson explains, “These people got to know you after you realized who you are, not who your family thinks you should be. They treat you like the competent adult you’ve become, not the teenager who once dyed her hair purple. This helps get your brain out of that family role loop and back into your authentic adult self.”

Continue with a fun activity

Psychotherapist Leanne Alston says that after spending time with challenging people, it can be tempting to spend a lot of time replaying conversations and trying to make sense of things. Unfortunately, the more you do this, the less likely you are to get out of a negative slump.

Alston explains that instead, “Make a conscious effort to refocus on the present. Be intentional about engaging in positive and rewarding activities for you and for you family to make it easier to stay in the moment. If you find yourself coming back, notice it, be kind, and focus on the here and now.”

Go for a stress-relieving walk

Alston says exercise and getting out in nature can help burn off any negative energy left over from family experiences. She explains: “It might seem counterintuitive to go for a walk when you’re feeling low on energy, but nature is an amazing stress reliever, so time outdoors can be beneficial for us when tensions are high or we’re feeling drained. “

Eat a comforting dinner and sleep well

Psychotherapist Belynder Walia says we shouldn’t ignore physical recovery when focusing on the emotional effects. “Making sure you’re eating nutritious foods, getting adequate rest and hydration can help your body recover from the demands of hosting or prolonged social interaction. Reconnecting with routines or hobbies that bring you joy and energy is another great way to recharge and help restore your balance.”

Understand your triggers for next time and set boundaries

If a visit to family was tiring, psychotherapist Georgina Sturmer recommends discovering your triggers – the people, behaviors or events that really push your buttons. She explains: “These often come from early in life, and these patterns of relating can manifest repeatedly. When we notice the things that trigger us, it helps us discover coping strategies or boundaries that might be useful next time.”

Psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur says that setting boundaries early on can minimize emotional exhaustion. “Boundaries allow you to maintain your sense of self and well-being during the visit, which can make post-visit recovery less intense.” These could be the refusal to engage in family gossip or slander; to speak up for yourself – what you will and won’t put up with; having certain topics of conversation in which you will engage or not; or even having a set time limit for which you will be there with an escape plan after. Even knowing you have another place to stay, if it comes down to it, can be comforting.

Talk to a therapist or write things down

Dr. Ritz Birah, psychologist and creator of Reflect with Dr. Ritz, a journaling service that blends psychology and neuroscience, says that after an exhausting visit with family, it’s essential to set aside intentional time to decompress. Block some downtime in your journal and consider writing about how it all went in a journal.

“Use this insight to set boundaries, whether it’s time together, certain topics of conversation, or even allowing yourself moments of solitude during your visit.”

Before a visit you’re worried about, Dr. Birah says, “Focus on areas of connection or gratitude. Write down three things you appreciate about the people you visit or three intentions for your time together.”

Sturmer adds that if you dread spending time with your family during the holidays and it’s gotten worse, not better, with age, it might be time to talk to a professional.

It is often wise to book sessions before the holiday season to help you develop coping strategies for family events. Setting boundaries can be difficult and it can be awkward to start telling your parents and other relatives how you want to be treated. A therapist can help you work through these issues to prepare for a healthier state of mind holiday season.