Politics, once a taboo on a first date, is now more important to daters. A relationship expert shares advice.

Online dating is common swiping right or left — but could their decision depend on whether that person leans politically to the right or to the left?

Political Views of a potential partner are becoming increasingly important to dating, Terri Orbuch, relationship expert at DatingAdvice and sociology professor at Oakland University, tells CBS News — but singles often don’t know how to broach the subject.

“I don’t bring it up on the first date or even the second date and then all of a sudden the third date comes up and, bam, they have these political differences,” she said.

Here’s what to keep in mind when it comes to politics and dating.

Why political differences matter in relationships

“Our identities and who we see ourselves are tied to these issues that have now become political, which are issues of social justice and diversity and inclusion and equity, gender, race, sexual orientation,” Orbuch said.

It’s not necessarily who you vote for or whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican.

“We’re really talking about the fundamental values ​​and issues that are important to individuals and the values ​​and attitudes that are important to your identity,” she said.

The same is true when it comes to relationships with family and friendswhich experts say can be another tricky situation to navigate.

When it comes to romantic relationships, these values ​​can be a key driver of compatibility—something Orbuch saw firsthand as the director of a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health that followed more than 300 couples over the age of 35. to determine what holds them together.

“It is significant to have similarities with your partner (in the first two key life values) if you want longevity in your relationship. It is extremely important,” she said.

In addition to issues of social justice, diversity and inclusion, other key life values ​​include the importance of children and family, your approach to money, and your approach to health and fitness.

The reverse is also true. If the political aspects of social justice aren’t one of the two key values ​​in your life, then having that sameness with a potential partner isn’t the key to long-term compatibility and longevity, she explained. Instead, you would like similarities with the other values ​​that are more important to you.

Tips for bringing up “politics” in meetings

So how do you discuss politics during a meeting if the issues related to it are important to you? Orbuch said it’s better to focus on the core values ​​you’re looking for in a partner.

To do this, she suggests a three-step approach:

1. Observe the behaviors: “What you really want to do in this first step is to observe their behaviors and how they interact with other people,” Orbuch said. “How do I talk to the barista, the server, the person who seats you? Are they respectful? Do they look at them? Do I talk to them with respect? Do I tip?”

2. Ask life questions: Instead of direct questions about politics, ask questions that reveal what they value in life. For example, what does their ideal weekend look like? What do they like to do outside of work?

“These are great questions to get answers to about a lot of topics, but I think you can also get answers to how I value ideas about social justice, diversity and inclusion,” she said.

3. Share your own experiences: Finally, you can reveal what you value by sharing your own interests.

To show that you value family, for example, you could say, “I love my niece … so I volunteered at her school yesterday to read a story,” Orbuch said.

Seeing how the other person responds, she said, even noticing their nonverbal reactions, will tell you a lot about whether they hold similar key life values.

Political filters for dating apps

The three-step approach is great if you don’t know someone’s political leanings or values, but Orbuch understands using the filter options now available on many dating apps to immediately set boundaries with certain political views — in fact, she said it’s “a lawyer of that.”

“People are disengaged and when you search online and when you do the dating app, you can filter. Or there are even niche dating sites, like if you want a certain religion, if you want a certain age,” she. said. “If you’re on a dating app, and people admit who they’re going to vote for, or admit their political affiliation, or admit their key life value on a social justice issue, then you can filter them out, because that’s your circuit breaker business “.