He says I’m petty about Netflix’s deed

Dear Eric: My husband of six months and I do almost everything together. We recommended that we watch a Netflix series together and we are both deeply engrossed.

Last night, I was tired from my day’s work and suggested I go to bed early. He mentioned that he finished the last episode as he had just started. I said that sounds good.

I woke up over two hours later for a glass of water and he was, still awake, five episodes from where we left off. In fact, he had actually finished all the episodes of that season.

I feel unusually hurt by this. I feel somehow cheated.

When I tried to explain, he apologized, but still, I feel really hurt by it. It’s not so much the act of sitting and watching a series, but that we had a shared experience together and somehow it feels ruined.

One of the reasons this time was important to me is that he always proudly emphasized that “we do it all together.”

However, now he says I’m petty and making too much of a deal out of it, and even said he now refuses to watch anymore. Can you help me figure out what’s going on here?

– Disabled

Dear Tuned Out: Many couples have found themselves in clashes worthy of a “Grey’s Anatomy” subplot over what I call a “streaming scam.” There, as it happened to you, one person slips into the queue without the other person. It’s an epidemic.

And it’s partly because these streaming services are set up with the express purpose of tempting us to keep watching. It’s in the way the episodes start right after each other and even the way some shows always end with jaw-dropping cliffhangers.

Your husband should have honored the agreement you made, yes, but we are all at the mercy of the algorithm sometimes.

For the sake of your young marriage, chalk this up to a modern hiccup rather than a sign of deeper trust issues. And have a conversation where you and your husband you can clear the air so that the plans you make for future activities do not continue to develop this.

I hope you continue to enjoy doing everything together, even if that “everything” occasionally means one of you re-watching an episode or two that one of you has already seen.

Dear Eric: My brother in law lives in another state and we only see him once a year. He loves to cook and puts a lot of time and effort into preparing good meals for us.

The problem is, I can’t eat as much as he thinks I should.

My husband and I eat two meals a day. His brother prepares us three big meals a day. I’m a small person and I just can’t eat all that food, so I take small portions of everything.

He constantly complains about how little I eat and I don’t need to eat more because I don’t like food. The food is usually good and I always tell him that.

Because of this constant harassment, I hate going there. The last time I was there, he got so upset that I didn’t eat more that he raised his voice to criticize me. I was stunned.

I told my husband I would never go back, but his brother is his only close relative alive and he thinks I should forget what happened.

I know if I go back he’ll do the same thing because he’s been doing it for 10 years. My husband has never resisted her because he doesn’t want to jeopardize their relationship.

– Saturated

Dear Fed Up: Put your foot down and put the fork down.

Your brother-in-law’s hospitality is a nice gesture that is completely ruined by his caustic behavior. How is anyone supposed to enjoy a meal with someone yelling at them? You are right not to want to submit to this anymore.

At first, it seemed like your brother-in-law was an over-enthusiastic host, letting his love of food and anxiety about getting it right get over the table. But this behavior ultimately seems more controlling than anything else.

Be clear with your husband that this is behavior you cannot accept. You don’t just have to forget. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to and that includes eating crow.

If he is determined to return, he can talk to his brother about the terrible reactions. It sounds like the sibling relationship is also unhealthy, so your husband might struggle with this question, but it’s important. You can put up with one awkward visit a year, sure, but that goes beyond just grinning and supporting.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.