My little list of everything that needs to be abolished if I’m going to live happily in 2025

Oh, it’s about time you did New Year’s resolutions againis it Is it time for all of us to dwell on our flaws and foibles and vow to improve them all, to find ways to eradicate our flaws and step into the future with determination and promise, walking firmly on the road to perfection?

Well, to put it politely – forget it. This year has been exhausting. The last few years have been exhausting. That whole pandemic thing was pretty exhausting and I just did it had covid for the third and by far the worst moment.

And – sorry to say this – but things have been pretty worn out since 2016, which gave us the double whammy of Donald Trump and Brexit in such quick succession. One of which has just returned in absolute triumph to the presidency and the other is still with us, draining resources from the country and from our sanity at every turn.

So. Until the world shows some determination to improve, I’m doing it now. I’m sitting here eating chocolate drinking and indulging as many prescription mood relievers as I can get my hands on.

I realize this will be a new challenge for the Year, the sudden redistribution of responsibility for my happiness, so I’m glad it will start small.

Here is my list of the minor problems which beset us all, which nevertheless cause a disproportionate amount of irritation, and whose elimination would therefore add a not inconsiderable and welcome sum to the sum of human happiness during the next twelve months.

Sensitive readers – please be warned that there is a fun use of capitals, as I simply cannot retain any of them.

1. Eliminate websites that tell you, WHILE YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF TYPING, that your address email address is invalid or incomplete. Of course it is.

How exactly do you propose to give you my details without them being – AT THE MOMENTS OF CREATION – incomplete and therefore invalid? Your rampant illogic disturbs me beyond measure. Make some sense. Order it.

2. The consistency of the coffee should be a priority. We can’t wait any longer I live with such uncertainty. Every morning I make my coffee – two tablespoons of my usual brand of instant coffee and two tablespoons of sugar (don’t even get me started; I make it the way 30 years of experience has taught me to like it – two weak coffees don’t works And sends me for a small every 20 minutes until 15:00 Inductive for work or pleasure).

Some mornings it tastes like the nectar of the gods. It’s the highlight of my day, an intense deliciousness that’s perfect down to the last sip. And on other mornings it tastes like shoes. And yes, I still have to finish it because I need coffee, my brain literally won’t start without coffee and it has to be that coffee. But why the discrepancy? How does it appear? And can it stop please?

3. Stop making shoulder bags with slippery straps. I can’t believe I have to say this. And yet, I do. Friction is your friend, people who make bags. I no longer make nice things that I have to buy and yet are not fit for purpose. This is not rocket science. i could cry

4. Force New York Times to add PINNA, CROFT, HOOPOE, GNOMIC and PINEAL to the Spelling Bee game database. I can’t live like this anymore.

5. Arrange for me to stop turning into my mother in all the bad ways and start introducing some of the good.

Right now, I am intolerant of all people (strangers, friends, family, passers-by, vendors, taxi drivers, bus and train passengers a specialty), animals, weather, television programs, music and technology to the fullest extent, but not one ounce of the ability to clean the house from top to bottom every morning before six, to fix any appliance that dares to break, to pay every bill before you know how much it will be, and generally to bend all practical aspects of life to my will. Rectification of such inequity seems long overdue.

6. Star signs. Put an end to all astrological talk. Because you have to.

Anyway. I am doing nothing to improve myself until this lot is sorted by the cosmic force or forces that control them all. I suggest you compile your own equally petty and honest list and join me in doing so.

The year has had things its own way for too long. 2025 is our time. Happy new mindset, everyone.