Friends or foes? Here’s why relationships in competitive workplaces don’t have to be frosty

When she worked as a sales development representative in a company here, Ms Madeline Tan, 25, said it was a challenge for her to make friends with any of her colleagues.

Working in that office was like a zero-sum game. If a colleague managed to book a potential client for a product demo meeting, her managers would report the accomplishments to the firm’s leaders, who closely tracked each person’s key performance indicators (KPIs).

“It’s been exceptionally hard on days where you’re not booking appointments and you’re falling behind while others are making progress with their KPIs,” Ms Tan said.

There was even a glass wall that displayed everyone’s progress, including how many dates each of her colleagues had managed to book. They were all measured against each other.

As much as she wanted to befriend her classmates and celebrate their successes, she didn’t really find the drive to do so.

“The reality is that my role is independent and even though I have direct teammates, I work alone to achieve results,” Ms Tan said.

“All my colleagues are technically my competitors.”

Even when Ms Tan achieved her KPIs, she felt she had to hide it for fear of upsetting relationships or appearing too boastful.

“I felt like I had to be careful about what I said and not show how happy I was that I hit my KPI,” she said.

Not all jobs are as fraught as Ms Tan’s, but such stories are common in many competitive work environments where colleagues are pitted against each other.

When promotions or high-value job opportunities are at stake, warm office friendships can easily turn frosty overnight. Such fragility in the workplace tends to result in a hectic atmosphere, making even the most resilient employees question whether they really belong.

Career coaches and HR experts said the line between co-operation and co-worker rivalry is not always clear.

Some friendly competition can allow employees to thrive by motivating them to excel, but there is a tipping point where healthy rivalry turns into tense encounters that can be harmful to both careers and mental health.

Ms Priscilla Shin, senior psychotherapist at Range Counseling Services, said too much competition in the workplace can lead to jealousy between colleagues and strain relationships by fostering mistrust.

“When competition becomes excessive, it can undermine teamwork and create a culture focused solely on individual achievement rather than shared success,” Ms. Shin said.

HEALTHY COMPETITION IN THE WORKPLACE

So what determines if a workplace competition crosses the line into negativity? Does friendship with colleagues mean you can’t celebrate each other’s successes because they came at your expense?

Ms Tan, a sales development representative, recalled times when she tried to make friends with her colleagues, but often became frustrated when she couldn’t “produce the same results” as them.

“Sometimes, I feel like that frustration unintentionally turns into being angry at them,” she said.

For starters, experts said there’s a false impression that competition in the workplace only creates unhealthy dynamics and behaviors. But when such competition is in healthy doses, it can spur innovation, spark creativity, and motivate employees to excel.

“Competition in the workplace can be healthy when it challenges employees to adapt, innovate and perform at their best,” said Ms. Tuyen Do, Senior Career Coach at The Happy Mondays Co.

She noted that growth comes from developing your skills and mindset, not focusing on outdoing others.

“It’s not just about competing harder, it’s about competing smarter.”

Agreeing, Ms Priscilla Shin, senior psychotherapist at Range Counseling Services, said friendly competition in the workplace is “completely normal” and can be healthy when handled well.

“(Competition in the workplace) can actually motivate us, push us to grow and encourage creativity,” Ms. Shin said, “but we also need to keep it in perspective — competition shouldn’t undermine collaboration or lead to resentment”.

Ms Do said healthy competition “energises and inspires”, but the danger is when it leads to “obsession or undermines collaboration”.

At that point, competition in the workplace can be counterproductive.

“Having a balance is important – healthy competition will help us grow; unhealthy competition breeds tension,” Ms. Shin said, where healthy rivalry can become destructive when it shifts from focusing on growth to suppressing others.

“The real value of competition is how it motivates improvement without compromising team dynamics or personal well-being,” Ms. Do said, noting that employees often thrive in a supportive environment where they can be their best and also appreciate the strengths of others.

“If the rivalry starts to feel draining or affects the confidence in your team, it will probably do more harm than good,” Ms Do said.

Competition in the workplace becomes ineffective and unhealthy when the focus shifts from personal growth to constant comparison with others, Ms. Do added.

“Healthy competition should inspire collaboration and progress, not create unnecessary tension or distraction.”

Here are some warning signs that peer trust is in jeopardy, according to experts:

• When people become guarded and avoid collaboration
• When they start gossiping negatively about their peers
• When they adopt a win-at-any-cost mentality that damages teamwork.

COLLEAGUES WHO BLOW LIKE AND REC

Even in the most collaborative and friendly workplaces, there comes a time when dynamics change and ambitions collide. At first, it’s a subtle change: colleagues become less responsive, conversations seem more calculated, and shared goals gain a competitive edge.

In such situations, Ms. Shin said professionals should “remain vigilant” about the overall tone of workplace interactions; if the environment feels more hostile than supportive, it’s time to address the dynamic or set boundaries to maintain balance.

Some common signs that competition is affecting your well-being are exhaustion, feelings of inadequacy, and general stress.

Other signs include stagnating career progress if the rivalry shifts focus from developing skills to growing others, leading to missed opportunities for real personal growth.

When someone realizes this is happening, experts say it’s time to stop focusing on outdoing others and channel your energy into personal growth and improvement.

One strategy Ms. Do suggests for combating such situations is to start by “identifying the root of the difficulty.”

She said it would help ​​​​determine if the problem is miscommunication, competing priorities, misaligned expectations, or a deeper cultural problem within the organization.

“Understanding the cause helps you determine if it’s something you can address directly,” Ms. Do said. “Focus on what’s in your control—clarify your goals, set boundaries to protect your time and energy, and seek guidance from trusted mentors or peers.”

Mr Vinod Balagopal, director and career advisor at mental health and HR developer Gary and Pearl International, said that when competition at work becomes the overwhelming focus for employees, it’s better to focus on one’s growth than someone else’s.

“Pay attention to the part (of your job) that you like to do and do more of it. Ask yourself, what excites me? Then do it,” said Mr. Balagopal.

Sharing her feelings, Ms. Shin said it’s best to be clear about one’s goals, avoid comparing one’s journey with others, and instead focus on individual progress.

When it comes to misunderstandings in the workplace, experts agree that “open communication” and “honest conversations” to restore trust can often be helpful.

“Having open communication and shared learning can strengthen our relationships, making it easier to succeed together,” Ms. Shin said.

IF I’M AMBITIOUS, CAN I HAVE WORK FRIENDS?

So what if one enjoys the competition but doesn’t want to step on anyone’s toes and lose friends? Progress and ambition go hand in hand, after all.

In this regard, experts say that being ambitious and having friends at work do not have to be mutually exclusive.

“I’ve found that supporting others doesn’t take away your ambitions, it enhances them,” Ms Do said.

Ms. Shin added: “Professionals can balance peer support with personal ambition by having a collaborative versus competitive mindset.”

When you’re clear about your goals, you can approach collaboration with confidence, knowing exactly what you’re bringing to the table. It’s about creating an environment where success feels shared, Ms. Do said.

Experts said you don’t have to be close friends with everyone at work, but being friendly with colleagues is essential to building trust and collaboration.

“Trust is what allows us all to take bigger risks, collaborate meaningfully and achieve more,” Ms Do said. “When one person thrives, it creates momentum for the whole team.”

Ms. Shin said another way to boost confidence is to celebrate others’ successes, offer help or encouragement when they face challenges, and recognize that teamwork often elevates everyone involved.

“Genuine support comes from knowing that success is not a zero-sum game.”

She said that sharing knowledge, offering guidance and recognizing the strengths of those around you fosters trust, which is essential to propel the team forward.

Ms. Do added that if acknowledging someone else’s success triggers discomfort or comparison, it’s worth exploring.

“It could point to areas where your own goals or self-esteem need more clarity,” she said.

“What matters is fostering mutual respect and a supportive environment where ideas flow and teamwork thrives.”